i didnt go to school today and i didnt told my mom
and we wrote an essay today in biology... u_u
and i dunno what i should do now

manchmal würde ich meine mutter gerne fragen warum sie soviel auf mich setzt
warum kann sie nicht auch einmal meinem bruder sagen das er es machen soll?
ich meine..ich bin die jüngste und muss mich doch wie die älteste benehmen
"tu dies tu das geh studieren mach dies und jenes ich will nur dein bestes"
aaah manchmal fragt man sich doch ob das wirklich das beste ist?
ich lebe in einer welt in der ich nichteinmal fiction von realität unterscheiden kann
und das scheint echt hart zu sein...

ich überlege ernsthaft manchmal die schule abzubrechen
aber wäre sie dann nicht enttäuscht?
..ist es aber wiederum okay etwas zu tuen was man niemals vollen herzens macht?
morgen schreiben wir mathe
und ich habe mich keineswegs vorbereitet
mein kopf kann nichts mehr aufnehmen ...es ist hart

und mom...hör auf dich so zu benehmen wie du es tust,das macht mich sauer , es enttäuscht mich, okay?
als mutter sollte man sich nicht so benehmen
sollte man als mutter nicht eine art respekt person sein?
eine person ,der man vertrauen kann?


and now i can only think about one thing "my family is crazy"
im not motivated anymore
its like a sickness
i cant do anything no matter how much i want to do it
if something is not right and you dont do it REALLY fullyhearted shouldnt you stop it?

if i could just tell you that all i do , is just for you
to make you proud , to make yo think that you are a loyal and good mom
but deep in my mind i dont know why i am doing all this ...FOR YOU

And even dont know what to write maybe self industruction? naaa... i think thats a little bit ...strange ah?

Sitting up here in my room , its dark here , i dont want to have lights on haha the coputer light i enough isnt it?
sometimes i even dont recognize how BAD my english is so im verry sorry but im only a german girl wich is just bad at english okay haha ^^;
may i can improve my skills here , talking with you,or just with myself you know at the time i dont have much friends on LJ so its like talking or writing for myself
god damn it this is strange

ok may i really should tell something about myself
when i was little i were always watching indian movies ,my grandma were always buying them , they are so old right now , but im still watching them haha , the movies even dont work that well , but so what?!
it keeps up memories of my life , everytime i watch a movie i wachted before i can remember the way i feeled there and so on , i wich i could buy all those movies someday new and maybe on DVD.

i really dont care what others think about me , no really , i dont care about it .
the most thing about i care is just an animal , so naive right?
but thats the way i am

i even dont want to talk more on , im talking to much dont you guys think so
(wait about wich guys i am talking about..memo to myself , you have no friends at LJ so dont say guys or talk to someone whos not there)

thats for it

see you (if someone reads this entry)
and lets be friends , add me , talk with me i wont eat you